How to treat a severed limb

This is the kind of information that it's good to know but probably never going to be needed, like Algebra with blood and gore.

(A crocodile will roll its body when is has a firm grip, literally tearing off the extremity)

So you've come across a casualty who is missing a limb, the victim is losing alot of blood, passing in and out of consciousness and may die in a matter of minutes if you take no action to help them. Here's what you need to do:

1. Locate any individual bleeding arteries on the stump. The arteries will bleed in pulsating spurts.
2. Pinch off the larger arteries that are bleeding most. The brachial artery in the arm and femoral artery in the leg are the major blood vessels you should find. Someone (the victim, if conscious) needs to continue pinching while you go to step 3.
3. Apply a tourniquet. Choose a strip of material atleast an inch wide and tie it around the stump as close as possible to the wet end. tighten it just enough to stem the bleeding but not so tight it damages viable tissue. Keep pinching the arteries.  If emergency personnel are on thier way continue to 9. If you're beyong the reach of the emergency services continue.
4. Tie off the ends of the blood vessels being pinched. Use Fishing line, dental floss or heavy thread in that order of preferance. Tie it good and hard with several knots as far up as possible.
5. Clean the stump thouroughly, preventing infection is really important. pick out all foreign matter and wash the wound.
6. Cauterize remaining bleeding points. Only do this if you are really beyond the reach of help, ie. a desert island or similar. Use a piece of heated metal to cauterize the bleeding blood vessels. do not worry about completely stopping all the bleeding, oozing bleeding will be controlable when the dressing is applied.
7. Loosen the tourniquet. As you do so you will be able to detect if any more ties or cautery are needed. Do not leave the tourniquet on for more than 90 minutes or tissue in the stump may start to die.
8. Dress the stump. coat the wound in any availiable antibiotic oitment (bacitracin or similar). Then tightly cover the stump with thick cloth or gauze. The tighter the dressing the less chance of sustained bleeding.
9. Elevate the stump end as high as possible. This will allow gravity to assist in slowing further bleeding.
10. Put an ice pack over the dressing and be ready to apply another tourniquet if rapid bloodloss resumes.
11. Treat pain and shock caused by blood loss. Use any pain medication availiable and treat shock by giving the victim a liquid containing salt (chicken soup for example), this will help restore blood plasma.

Congratulations! you've saved a life!

How to climb out of a well.

Oh No! Little Johnny has fallen down Grandpa's old well and Lassie was put to sleep years ago!

Don't panic, Johnny, here's some advice on what to do when trapped in an old well...

(Climbing out of a well)

1. Place your back against the wall and your feet against the opposite wall in an "L" shape.
2. Use steady and even pressure from your thighs to maintain your position off the ground.
3. Place the palms of your hands against the wall behind you below your butt.
4. Take your right foot off the opposite wall and place it under your butt.
5. Press your back away from the wall with your hands and push yourself up with your hands and feet.
6. Put your back on the wall again and move your right foot back onto the opposite wall higher than your left foot.
7. Repeat from 3. but use your left foot this time and alternate from there.
8. When you approach the top twist slightly and grab the lip of the well. Roll and shift your weight to your hands and use your feet to assist you to pull yourself out.

Congratulations! You've rescued yourself from an unfortunate subterranean demise, Well done little Johnny!

Zombie apocalypse survival: zombie trap.

Ok, so your neighborhood is infested with cannibal ghouls. How do you keep the hordes of flesh eating undead occupied while you make good an escape or strengthen your refuge? simple, create a zombie trap!

(Zombies, so you know what they look like)



Creating a zombie trap is not difficult at all, especially if you have a water tower or other high structure with ladder access near your refuge.

(tall structure, again so you know what one looks like.)



What you will need:

1. High structure with ladder access.
2. A portable CD player with batteries.
3. A CD, preferably the type that has a secret track after the last song.
4. Lubricant. (motor oil, grease, etc.)
5. Brush.
6. Probably a good idea to take bolt cutters with you.

Method:

1. Climb to the top of the structure
2. Skip to the end of the last track on the CD player but before the start of the hidden track.
3. Press the repeat button.
4. Crank the volume up as far as it will go, seriously, it needs to be loud.
5. Climb back down greasing every other rung of the top third of the ladder.
6. Run the heck away.

As soon as the hidden track on the CD starts to play all undead in the area will be drawn to the noise. I'm sure you can work out the rest. Zombie climbs jerkily up ladder to get the delicious brain cake, zombie slips and falls because of the grease, zombie knocks down other zombies en route to the ground, zombie goes splat/crunch.

And the beauty of it is that it will work for as long as the batteries last because zombies, as we all know, have no deductive reasoning and extremely low intelligence.
So sit back and watch the daft buggers fall to their doom!

So Bin Laden is dead... now what?

The death of Al-Qaeda figurehead Osama Bin Laden has rightly hit headlines around the world this week but how will it affect the fight against terrorism? Well for one thing a revenge attack by the deluded militants that idolize OBL is almost a certainty, wether it succeeds in killing innocent people or not (glasgow airport attack 2007) is in the hands of the security services and, ofcourse, in the hands of the Al-Qaeda operatives.

Despite the threat posed by revenge attacks, the killing of OBL was neccessary. Justice has finally been done almost a decade on from the 9/11 attacks and, quite frankly, I cant blame people for rejoicing in this death.